dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
worst night to have a conscience
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize