they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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