I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
high people should be assigned attendants
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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