fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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