I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's blow job season.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
