I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
