That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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