Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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