We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
