Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize