My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize