he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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