God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
