fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
