i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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