Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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