i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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