I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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