I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
