well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
