so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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