She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
FUCK WHALES
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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