Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i would punch a child for taco bell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
