I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize