Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize