question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
