On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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