I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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