Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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