What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
