The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
