how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
