the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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