Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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