Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
