I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So much rum. So many feels.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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