No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
