They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
