Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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