I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
