Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
