also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
