"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
