i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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