apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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