I looked at my own cervix.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
smell my finger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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