Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
