I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
