Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
