none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
