I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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