I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize