What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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