how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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