I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
