The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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