he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
