She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize