you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
