I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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