I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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