Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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