two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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