he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
