She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
