Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
