I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
