We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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