They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
