I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
