You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
