RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize