U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
