Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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