my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize