I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
