I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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